o.k. I have a question for you quilters. I just saw a post on facebook.  I am curious how you would react.  THIS DID NOT HAPPEN TO ME!!! IT WAS SOMEONE ELSE'S POST. I just wonder what you think about it.

                                             here was the original question:


I have a question for all y'all. I'm making a black, white, & teal baby quilt for a former coworker. I've just found out that her baby shower was LAST weekend. I wasn't invited. (I'm making the baby quilt just half the size I'd intended.) My feelings were hurt that I wasn't invited. What would you do, in my place????

            that was the question posed.

   I am curious what your thoughts are because it got such a huge reaction from others.

      what do you think??




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my first thought/reaction would be the same as the neglected quilt making poster. my second thought would be to find out thru the same source who informed that the shower had been held and the quilt maker not invited ...have the bearer of the unhappy news tell who organized the shower. it is always possible that maybe a family member organised the party w/o getting adequate input from the shower recipient. like who should be among the invitees. it may have been an oversight. still hurtful, but an oversight, not intentional slight from former coworker. if it was intentional ...my reaction would be to finish the baby quilt and donate it to a fine charitable organization. then i would send a pic of the lovely completed quilt to the former coworker w some kind of "nice" note and explain. say something about thought we were friends, sorry to learn via grapevine that we're not and then i would tell the former coworker where the quilt went that had been thought of & created for the soon to be momma. and then .... then ..i would forget the whole thing. let it go. stuff happens. but i know that that probably won't happen. too many people love the attention, the drama, the back and forth ...all the reality show style drama. sad.

Rogue's response was perfect!!

thank you for the positivity toward my remark. just went to your home page as i was not familiar w your name. we do have over 22,000 members here now and it's gotten a tad difficult to keep up w everyone. so ..you be new ...so, welcome!! and could you tell us about yourself a bit, nada on your home page --your fav style of quilting, pics? :))

OMG, I agree with Rogue.  I would be hurt, and forgetting about would be hard.  But the best way to go.  Otherwise it will eat you up.

I am with Rogue. If the person who threw the party didn't know you and the mama were friends, and no one filled her in, it could have been an innocent oversight. That was my first thought. It happens all too often. I hate to think that what you felt  was a friendship was one-sided.   

makes me feel good to see that you all agreed w my response. i've a tendency to be harshly angry in circumstances like this. have thought a couple of times to come in and remove my comment. my reasoning/feelings have not changed ..but i don't like to offend, and on a public forum like this or fb it's easily done. so, carla, what has been the sort of feedback on fb? not that i can access it, but you can, perhaps, post a short synopsis for us here @ mqp.

it was extensive.......hundreds of responses. the majority said similar to what you said that the person who did the shower may not have known the two were friends or that there could be multiple showers being held...blah blah blah...some were like her and said to give it to someone else.....some said make it a charity quilt......but, ..most said to give it anyway because it was meant for the baby not for her. one girl even said that if she gave it to a different baby it would always be  ''marked'' in her mind as the quilt meant for baby X which I thought was a good point. I thought she should give it anyway too. but then  many many many comments later she  said that she had not even seen the girl she was making it for in 5 years!!! 5 years???  not too close of friends I suspect. I wouldn't even have made a quilt for someone I had not seen in 5 years. LOL

no, i wouldn't have either. i would have sent a very expensive store bought greeting card w personal note of congratulation. i also agreed w statement of girl who said the quilt would always be "marked". not as it affects the second baby reciever, but that i would remember the hurt each time i saw it. therefore, my thought as charity donation. there are sooooo many needy & much more deserving new moms living on the edge. donated quilts are so much more appreciated by mom & baby.

glad you shared this thread carla, it's provided a thought provoking read. now back to making pet food tote bags :))

Rogue had a great answer for the quilter. What is worse is when they do not even send a thank you note....One of my greatest irritations! 

agreed ..whether email, phone call or written note ..a thank you really doesn't take any time..no where near the time it takes to make a gift or to make the trip to numerous stores to find & buy the "perfect" gift. but it would seem that there are few of us left who feel
"thank you" responses are needed anymore. sad.

I am slow on my Thank Yous Ethelda.  I so try to remember, but slack in this area.  If the person gives me a gift in person  then I will thank them right away, but when something is mailed to me or given thru someone, I am real slow to give a thank you.  It may be an undersight on my part, but in no way would it ever be meant to hurt someone. 

I've been thinking about this post a lot and thinking how horrible it would be to be in that situation.  But it dawned on me today that I was in a similar situation.  Not a baby quilt but a wedding quilt.  A good friend from art school was getting married and we traveled a long way to be part of the wedding and celebrate with them.  I made a king size quilt for them in their wedding colors and was excited to give it to them.  But we were treated so rudely - beyond rude, really.  It was the most awkward situation I have ever been in.  As soon as the ceremony was over, we left (with the quilt) and never looked back.  I was heartbroken and angry and all sorts of other emotions.  So the quilt was donated to a family in our church who had just lost everything. 

I don't mean to sound uppity or arrogant that my quilts are too good for people.  But I - just like everyone single quilter I've met - puts heart and soul in their quilting.  For me, it's like giving away a child and I'm not about to give it to someone who insults me.  It's been 5 years and I've mostly forgotten about the whole situation and moved on.  There is still that tiniest part that stings but I can get over that :-)


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